I knew I had someone else’s dream job when I hyperventilated during a presentation.

Struggling to gather my breath and embarrassed, I managed to finish my speech without being carted away in a stretcher. Something changed in me that day.

I felt like a failure at my latest job. I tried to make it work for nearly a year. But I felt constant stress and anxiety.

Something was wrong. It wasn’t them, it was me.

The job itself was demanding and thankfully let me exercise my brain power. But that wasn’t the core problem. I can rise to a challenge–that’s what drives me. I’m Type A and proud! I’m a kick ass project manager. As the Cake song said, I was “touring the facilities and picking up slack.”

My company was excellent and I liked and respected my colleagues. They liked me back, too which made it fun to come into the office.

Still, something was missing for me.

Getting off and then back on the hamster wheel

What caused this? Why was I quitting my new fun company? Turning my back on what I thought was my dream job?

Simple. I stepped off the hamster wheel once.

About a year ago, I went through a layoff and reinvented myself.

I discovered writing.

Freed from all-day conference calls, I planned my own schedule. My creativity ignited in new ways, buried beneath years of TPS reports.

You could say I caught the entrepreneur bug. I spent six months writing books, blogging, and self-learning.

I was the happiest I’d been in years.

But then I got scared. I wasn’t making progress fast enough. Other authors were flying by me with their success–even those that had day jobs unlike me.

So I hopped back on the hamster wheel. I found a job with a great company. But it was someone else’s dream job, not mine. Months passed and I worked and I survived, but something nagged away at me.

I was unhappy.

Hyperventilating and Saying Goodbye

When your body reacts to stress, it’s unpredictable. Mine chose to manifest itself by delivering a terrible speech. My brain wanted to be somewhere else and under duress, my body went into fight or flight mode.

It’s okay. These things happen. Maybe you’ve experienced something similar.

I gave my notice soon after.

I wanted my creative freedom back. To try again on my own.

I had learned lessons to apply this time: clear goals, better organization, and less time on social media. Experiment with ideas quickly, and if something’s not working, stop it.

Does any of this resonate with you? Maybe it’s your job. Maybe you’ve tried to start something new, but fear is stopping you? Or like me, what you’re doing just doesn’t feel right.

I believe some of us need to reinvent. I spent 16 years in corporate America. Many of those years were great. Amazing experiences and relationships resulted, but that chapter in my life is over.

Time to start my own business again. There’s still fear knocking on my door. Daily.
There’s good days and bad. Bear with me on this journey.

I’m trying to live brave and in the spirit of Star Trek, go boldly.
Will let you know how things go…